if Passion exists, will it come back????

12th May 2008

I’m all new to blogging, but thought it would be a great thing for me to do - to release inner thoughts that I have etc..etc.. with perhaps “reading” eyes to give me support if not a much needed uplift - wait, that’s support? Well anyways, here it goes…

I’m 33 yrs. old and lost. Yup, it’s true I’ve lost my path when it comes to life. And to complicate things, I’ve had several people in my life that has “messed” with my path - yeah, they threw boulders in my way…. and I’m confused to that fact that I can’t comprehend how people can hurt other people. Yes, I’ve been hurt, which has stunned me into such a state that I don’t even know how much salt to put on my eggs. I feel on most days, that I’m just floating in this huge ocean - going no where. I’m finally getting to that point that I can at least “float” but that can be hards to do at times. (By the way, I have no idea how to swim!)

Lets’ go back in time….

When I was in the 3rd grade, I wanted to be a Dr. Pure down-to-earth, excellent bed-side manner Dr. I had such a strong desire and knew then, that being a Dr. was who I was to be. I studied anything and everything science/health related in junior high and H.S. and into my first few years of college. I had a goal!

Not sure what happened, but I swayed away from the field. Was it the idea of putting in 48 hrs. non-stop for residence? ??? (I do like my sleep and need it!)

I ended up taking other courses in college, a little of this, a little of that, and finally after 6 years of schooling, I can at least say I have my BA degree in Psychology - another interesting field.

But, my state of shock all started 4 years ago.

I happened to finally “come out” to myself, and I met someone nice - I thought. To keep this short, we had fun, we knew how to be goofy, but worst of all, behind my back 3 years later my partner took out 13 credit cards maxed them all out, cleaned out my bank account, sold my furniture and moved out of state. Needless to say - I was so shocked I could not focus - I had no idea who I was…. For everything I worked for - it was GONE! Imagine coming home to nothing….

Shortly after, I ended up losing my job at one of my most favorite places of employment. My boss called me late on a Sunday night, and told me that I wasn’t doing a good job - I said “huh?” She got her best friend in my supervising position, and I was gone 4 days later. I think word got out that I wasn’t a “straight” Christian - I may not be “straight” but I sure am a Christian…..

So, I left the area that I moved to 11 months earlier, and I moved out of state for a new change, new outlook, new career choices, better schools etc….

Yup, in the process, I met up with a Psycho - not gonna go into this story…. well, o.k.! It’s amazing how “charming” people can be, and this lady was charming. Once in her posession, she changed, she became very domineering, she even watched me sleep. FREAKY!!!! I became so scared that I wanted to leave - but she would “lock me in” and I could not get out of her presence, nor even call for help via phone, email etc… since she took my cell phone, and destroyed my computer. Let me add here - she was deaf, and had no need for communication resources. I did end up getting out, with the help of her calling the Police and charging me with harrassment. Me harrass? In the process of me leaving, she destroyed my motorcycle, ruined my computer, scratched up what I had for wooden furniture, only to be told by police, that this is a classic breakup - one leaves, while the other flips out and starts to destroy property. I am very mad to this day about my beautiful motorcycle - it was my passion, and Psycho lady knew that. That motorcycle was my graduation gift after I recieved my Bachelors!

And, here I am currently living in Ohio and loving it. I’m still unemployed and it sucks, (I love to work) but, let me add here - I met someone very very very nice, and we have so much in common. I can at least say for the first time in my life, that I found someone that I love - and she loves me right back. This part of my life is complete……

So, I’m waiting for the rest of my life to unfold now. I have goals slowly arising, (Going back to School to get my Doctorate), working on making a future home, getting a professional job etc..

It is hard to say goodbye to what I “used” to have, but at least I can start over and get “new” things - the old Teresa is gone, but the new one is on the rise!!!!!

I think passion does return!!!

Do keep me in your prayers….